How To Transform Your Negative Why Me’s Into Positives! How I Did It…

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I thought I had everything I needed. I had a good job, a budding relationship, friends who spent weekends with me, and I was happy. I was paying bills, I could afford an apartment, but then, everything changed. I went from being the outgoing person I knew to shut up inside with no money, no friends, a new apartment I couldn't afford and a new job. Also, I had a new haircut "down to the scalp" which came as a result of me needing a fresh start and the fear of my health failing from stress and depression. How did I get here?

Well, I accept my part in this story. People pleasing, always being the giver, never the receiver and putting too much faith in others than I did in myself. I didn't love me "no one taught me how to do that" and now I was paying the consequences. Depression and no hair. 

But the universe, god and my deep inner desire to transform my life would not allow me to give up on myself when everyone else around me did. Friends stopped coming over or calling, my "boyfriend had a family brewing on the side", and debt collectors REALLY loved my phone number. It was in that moment of me standing in front of the mirror with wet hair and a pair of scissors that I snipped that final chapter of my life away and did what I needed to do to get my fresh start. And it was really difficult. Doing it all on my own was the test of my life. Some days went better than others, and some I spent weekends sleeping on the couch "since I was still trying to figure out my sleeping situation i.e no bed" & trying to figure out a plan to get out of this mess. And a plan I did come up with.

Slowly and slowly I started coming out of the phase. I started spending my time with myself, I started to share my progress on my new blog which surprisingly helped others, I started to discover new people on penpal websites, I started to share snail mail letters and postcards, I started to dress better, I started to smile again and then I decided that I wanted to go to Paris.

And even though it was a long 2 years before the dream became a reality, every day I looked forward to escaping into the online world of blogs, and French magazines, Facebook pages, and my favorite the apartment rental websites. I even enrolled in & got certified in my Delf A1 & A2 level with the Alliance Francaise both here & the online Mooc from Paris. I began to dream more and started infusing what I was learning about the French way of living, into my lifestyle. I traded my vodka and cranberry juice for a glass of wine and Chinese food "still love it" for actual food at home. And I started my self-discovery journey. Soon it would end in Paris with new friends, new adventures and a new lifestyle.

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I bought myself a camera, started to study style bloggers like Kristina Bazan and Chiara, and Chriselle Lim and started to invest in better choices of clothing, and then I wanted to do more. I wanted to share the entire lifestyle aspect so I started an online business. And let me tell you the transition was the most challenging thing ever. I found new lack of confidence and compared myself to the online business world quite a lot. I hid in the shadows and liked, tried and emulated a few crushed on coaches and fempreneurs. I was a blog coach, a personal development coach, a goal coach and then eventually all the searching led me to become a lifestyle coach. But that epiphany only happened after I become more self-aware, self loving, self confident and began to invest "time, money and emotion" into myself and my business; because doing just as everybody else was not getting me anywhere; and it was beginning to stress me out once again.

I learned the art of becoming unbusy and what it meant to simply enjoy the process of growth and being present. I learned how to just be me. I raised my wealth consciousness "and it took me a very long 1 year to grasp the concept" and I became more grateful than I was in "ever"!!  I forgave a lot and let go of a lot. Past traumas, pain, and current relationships. It was also another trying and depressing year because during that time I lost myself a tad bit once again. By allowing people and things that were not self-serving to take control. In the end, though, I learned how to respond to life with bold confidence instead of reacting. I learned how to cultivate success without the stress. I learned how to be joyous, and simply LIVE FULLY!

And it was a marvelous transition. All the lessons and trials I've learned and gone through over the past 5 years, I would never trade them for anything. I will take the pain, but I will also take the pleasure. Because it's  through pain that we learn how to color our lives and define it into our own version of elegant success.

It took me a long 5 years to get to this space with trials and errors, but you don't have to. Understanding what's important to you  and who you desire to become is the key to creating a lifestyle you love. It's about confidently owning that and allowing it to come through instead of turning your back towards it. Had I decided to give up the 21 thousand times that option presented itself would I be here today doing this? Helping thousands of women choose confidence, chic boldness and embracing life? I think not. And I probably would still be trying to figure out where my life was heading,whilst sweeping up my falling hair off the floor as I smile in to the face of the world.

I learned a very wise lesson this year from Martha Beck one of my mentors "a caterpillar doesn't go through the process of metamorphosis in a beautiful way. It first has to disintegrate into a pile of goop during its chrysalis stage. This is a remarkable stage where all the cells, the limbs, the wings and organs are being transformed for it's butterfly stage..From the outside it seems that the caterpillar is just resting. No-one knows what's taking place on the inside, but this is necessary stage. This we all know. but the lesson is this 

We must first break down into the ugliest stage of our lives in order to transform into the life we desire to live, and that is completely ok.
— Menellia Valcent

So if you take away one lesson from MY STORY, let it be "allow the process" . Whatever you're going through, stop reacting to it. Stop reacting to life hoping that it will align itself and instead learn to respond in a chic way. And there is no better time to begin than now. I have understood that progress is a process, and it requires true patience, true balance and just letting it fall into place. The norm has become that we as women stress ourselves out being beautiful, being successful, making the 6k months, getting consistent clients, travelling all year long AND YES, ALL THESE THINGS ARE AMAZING, but trust the process and never sacrifice your well being for the sake of it.

p.s. You may have heard of the term Elegant Success but if you haven't it's all about the experience of living life to the fullest in a graceful way.. Being in sync with everyday pleasure, doing what you love and loving you with confident style. It's the support you need to be more focused by slowing down, to be more stylish by being bold, to be more in love by being in-tuned with your divine femininity. Diane VF has a wonderful saying "when a woman becomes her own best friend, life becomes easier" and it is proven.That's where the joy comes from. That's where "true passion, purpose, and fulfillment is birthed". 

Now my journey started WAY BEFORE THAT, but alas, I want to present you with a special challenge, so that YOU can begin creating, living, and being from that space of elegance and gracefulness. AND THAT IS HOW TO BECOME YOUR OWN GURU!

Darling, you are a change maker with soul... own it! It doesn’t matter what has not worked for you so far. The fact that you’re here reading & watching this proves that you haven’t given up on yourself. And trust me I know the struggle & feeling of 2 steps forward and 10 steps back! So here’s my proposal to you, you can either close this post and move on without actually doing anything, or you can take control, get accountable and start over at stage 1! If your desire is to start over with a clean slate, I’ve recorded a 1 hour masterclass that teaches & guides you through a 4 pillar framework that my coaching ladies & women in my community has seen results from! Get immediate access hit the button down below!

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